i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
