she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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