This is not my ceiling
My Higher Power is John Stamos
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
