you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
