You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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