pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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