dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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