Cold hands, warm shart.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
