thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
