Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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