ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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