Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
