So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
