On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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