You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
