Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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