I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
