perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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