An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
