Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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