And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
