She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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