this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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