to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
