Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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