He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
