I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
