it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
