Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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