Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
