I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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