Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
