trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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