you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
