guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
another moral hangover. fuck.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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