There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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