just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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