Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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