if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
