I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
