ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
