1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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