Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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