is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
