I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
