Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
