Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?