Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Randomize
