just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
