When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
