There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend