How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
