I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.