Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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  (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this... http://tfl.nu/5zp7
  Replies (29) Good night (1439) Bad night (5323)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

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  (305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m
  Replies (57) Good night (12605) Bad night (1126)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  there were more penises there than on chat roulette

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  (571): there were more penises there than on chat roulette http://tfl.nu/5x41
  Replies (22) Good night (1265) Bad night (3481)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

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  (573): I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/5d16
  Replies (31) Good night (1241) Bad night (3959)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...

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  (613): His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat... http://tfl.nu/xzfb
  Replies (13) Good night (1097) Bad night (3317)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"

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  (914): right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit" http://tfl.nu/7x3l
  Replies (6) Good night (3312) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him

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  (608): He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him http://tfl.nu/0tzl
  Replies (6) Good night (1740) Bad night (2415)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"

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  (512): Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!" http://tfl.nu/rhjr
  Replies (1) Good night (892) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.

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  (778): they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see. http://tfl.nu/hkkp
  Replies (10) Good night (1590) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.

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  (817): Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty. http://tfl.nu/lz9h
  Replies (5) Good night (493) Bad night (1356)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.

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  (410): He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever." (410): I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much. http://tfl.nu/3c5w
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I guess I'm open to more types of dick now

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  (425): I guess I'm open to more types of dick now http://tfl.nu/myaz
  Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready

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  (404): All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready http://tfl.nu/n5jr
  Replies (2) Good night (1645) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?

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  (520): Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent? http://tfl.nu/den8
  Replies (3) Good night (433) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing

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  (717): I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing http://tfl.nu/zf0p
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (242)

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