Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm in his phone as sushi coochie

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  (610): i'm in his phone as sushi coochie http://tfl.nu/9tzp
  Replies (30) Good night (1084) Bad night (6695)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

  (903): View more from Texas

  wow. i have no words.

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  (979): i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door. (903): wow. i have no words. http://tfl.nu/bjsv
  Replies (29) Good night (5801) Bad night (1005)
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  (530): View more from California

  before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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  (530): before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake http://tfl.nu/dlo4
  Replies (15) Good night (2152) Bad night (5015)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

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  (704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf
  Replies (17) Good night (4539) Bad night (852)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (9) Good night (4643) Bad night (985)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.

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  (520): Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries. http://tfl.nu/00in
  Replies (6) Good night (2652) Bad night (878)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea

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  (651): Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea http://tfl.nu/mdyc
  Replies (14) Good night (855) Bad night (1161)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water

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  (416): They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water http://tfl.nu/xb1j
  Replies (5) Good night (548) Bad night (1475)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.

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  (612): This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool. http://tfl.nu/kmsc
  Replies (5) Good night (1761) Bad night (410)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.

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  (503): My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again. http://tfl.nu/bmoz
  Replies (7) Good night (1331) Bad night (392)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.

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  (402): Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/ippi
  Replies (5) Good night (1635) Bad night (485)
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  (510): View more from California

  my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.

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  (510): my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore. http://tfl.nu/307f
  Replies (12) Good night (1125) Bad night (475)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.

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  (914): I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot. http://tfl.nu/25dg
  Replies (9) Good night (1032) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit

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  (312): Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit http://tfl.nu/kckq
  Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (508)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?

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  (202): Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina? http://tfl.nu/ofgw
  Replies (6) Good night (590) Bad night (389)

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