from now on my penis is your penis
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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