Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
