Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
