Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
