He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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