My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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