i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
