Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
