could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
