Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
