Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
