I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize