yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
