When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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