Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
