U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
