I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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