If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
