last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
