i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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