dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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