i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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