Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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