I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
